everthorned:

this is the best news article heading ive ever seen

wifipasswords:

im not even sassy im just an asshole

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

iguanamouth:

i read that as lions

remember who you are

psychoticmist:

if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’

gorgeousdarren:

when you forget capslock is on and google something really aggressively by accident

lampsarepeopletoo:

i was just laying in my room when i heard my mom outside saying in a donkey voice “i like that boulder. that is a nice boulder”

twelvefootmountaintroll:

i’m gonna name my firstborn “arial”

and people will be like “oh like the mermaid”

and i’ll say “no like the font”

clearbay:

I LOVE ORDERING THINGS FROM ONLINE ITS LIKE SOMEONE SENT YOU A PRESENT BUT YOU SENT YOURSELF THAT PRESENT 

｡･ﾟ･ﾟʕﾟ>ᴥ<ʔ･ﾟ･｡